12 days left to a month since our breakup.
More:YOU WANT TO KNOW MORE
Some of my reader complain can not link, so i copy here:
Source:http://doingitbecauseican.blogspot.com
When My Best Isn't Your Best
Monday, December 15, 2008
Hey there :)
I've grown into this 22 year old who's willing to try measure up to a beauty pageant. Smart and talented too of course. Though I'm 10 centimeters short rendering me the least chances to achieve that dream. Before I was just this simple girl who had means to an end in 2 specific goals. 1 was to complete my degree then pursue my bars. 2nd had to do with paving my way back to 'him' in Kuching. He cannot leave Kuching because of his family business. However, my future career takes off better in not my home town but else where.
You see. Over time I realized the friends he mixed with were quite ambitious. Due to desire of maintaining a low profiled love life, I felt hidden. For so long. Was it... because I wasn't up to standard? Because... I had to work on my social skills? Maybe for other reasons unfathomable :/ Therefore I shared bits of our personal life through this blog. Back then, acceptance meant everything. It's like how you try please friends and family of someone you love but way harder.
His decisions wasn't something I could easily put up with. Traveling with female mates frequently sharing the same room gives me headaches. However a simple example just as this wasn't the only thing I had to tolerate. My insecurities built a wall among me and my friends. He isn't a person who deals well with confrontation. I on the other hand, will shoot you in the face verbally if I need to. That is one awful shortcoming of mine which conjured misunderstandings and unnecessary defenses.
I believe that he appreciates his readers and admirers more than he loved himself. Cos he'd sacrifice time with me and his family, even his real day job for blogging. He is forever trying to lose weight thinking about how the public sees him. Honestly? He is just fine but often conscious. Us humans are born with variety of sizes. If our frame is above average, so be it. It's not up to us to challenge.
As an ordinary person I stretched my limits far and wide. What held us together was basically patience. I changed past 180 degrees to suit expectations. Finding out how much I could love someone was astounding! Sadly I loved a person who valued his surroundings more than himself. And for me it wasn't right to love someone of his character more than myself. Reason behind? Cos he didn't love himself enough. He loved assurance and recognition from his legion of readers most.
He failed to realize from the start who are his real friends. Compared to those anxious for a taste of fame. Very recently he doubted me by questioning if I was after his wealth and fame. There were rhetorical responses between him and I said out of fury. I was hoping he could help me increase traffic just as how he promotes his friends. Why? Extra allowance. It's no secret. But he had to ask if I was chasing material and acknowledgment. To clarify is a genuine preference. Strangely for 2 years that came as a total insult. I'd rather leave than swallow these hurtful words. Keeping the relationship shouldn't be a problem if I was allegedly interested in what he claimed. Till now I pray he lashed out of mere anger instead of meaning it.
Forgiving isn't easy for well, me. I tried my best. Instead of complaining I called it quits. 12 days left to a month since our breakup. We're learning still. He rarely shared my flaws among many. Unlike me LoL. He is quite the bear to appreciate if he could make wise judgments in people. As a girlfriend I was suppose to live with him as he is. Also be happy whilst coping with his yin and yang. Should he truly belong to me, time shall prove so.
To the next person in line(when or if), he likes Japanese cuisine. Gourmet food. Skinny lattes. Ginseng chicken soup. Century egg. Eats only peeled prawns. Doesn't favor eating crab much. Avoid durian hehe. Plus he doesn't dig girls who smoke or pop. Picky indeed! His favorite color is blue :) Hates leggings on girls haha. Apples & bananas are fruits of his choice. Though not orange but drinks its juice. He enjoys... Singapore. Discover the rest later. Take great care of him otherwise I might be deeply saddened for letting him fall into the wrong hands.
He's a busy man whose memory isn't very strong. Please remind him of the good things he has done. For I haven't been giving him enough credit.
He didn't like the idea of colored contacts and hair dying. Reckoning it pulled off fake. On the contrary it's Sam's new look. Won't be changing my hair color anytime soon. 2 years gracefully passed. I'm a completely different person today.
Labels: Relationships